Collection of `one-liner' signature files found on the Internet: 
     
 - Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?  
 - I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! 
 - "Very funny, Scotty.  Now beam down my clothes."
 - Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies. 
 - I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
 - The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
 - We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse. 
 - Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
 - The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. 
 - Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
 - The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER 
 - Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. 
 - I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
 - Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 
 - Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 
 - Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 
 - There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
 - Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. 
 - I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
 - Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! 
 - Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
 - I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. 
 - Double your drive space - delete Windows!
 - Assassins do it from behind.
 - If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
 - Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. 
 - Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 
 - I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
 - I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it. 
 - When there's a will, I want to be in it.
 - Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? 
 - Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.
 - We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? 
 - All generalizations are false, including this one.
 - Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.