Bashing both sexes: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? -- 45 lb. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? -- 45 min. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? -- Sexual Harassment What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? -- $3.99 a minute. How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but = the dishes pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? -- The sex is the same, but =you get the remote What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? -- Humpme Dumpme. What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? -- Marriage How many men does it take to change a light bulb? -- None, they just sit there in the dark and complain. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? -- Through his chest with a sharp knife. What have men and floor tiles got in common? -- If you lay them = properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring = and good-looking? -- Because those men already have boyfriends. What is a man's view of safe sex? -- A padded headboard. How do men sort their laundry? -- "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable" What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? -- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? -- A golden retriever. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? -- The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts. Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? -- The woman who ate the last donut. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? -- A battery = has a positive side. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has = the biggest breasts? -- The blonde, because she's 18. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? -- When you take it off you wonder where the breast went. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? -- Two mothers-in-law.